As some of you know, I was pregnant.
Last week I was pregnant. Yesterday I was pregnant.
For the last 12 weeks my body has been building a baby inside of me, making me a mother.
And in less than 24 hours, that is over.
When we were waiting to announce that we were expecting, I couldn't help but think it was ridiculous that I am expected to wait because of a risk of miscarriage in the first trimester.
If you don't know much about pregnancy, let me explain.
In the first trimester of pregnancy, 80% of all miscarriages happen. So the "rule" for pregnant mothers is to not announce to the world about baby until after that time.
Here is why I think it is ridiculous: what about mothers who don't tell anybody and then DO have a miscarriage?
These women then have to grieve alone. Because we don't want to make everybody else uncomfortable?
So I said "screw it" and announced at 10.5 weeks because it was Christmas & Christmas time is magical.
And if I'm going to be really honest with you, I thought "I won't be one of those women who that horrible, awful thing happens to."
I couldn't be.
That is unthinkable. Unspeakable.
And then guess what... It happened.
To me.
Not to the woman I hardly know.
Not to the 40 year old mom-to-be.
Healthy, 24 year old, me.
But the truth is that 1/4 women experience miscarriages in their lives. Twenty-five percent of women.
You probably didn't know that, right?
Until last night, neither did I.
So now I have to tell the world who we just announced with so much joy that we will be adding a baby to our family, that we won't be. That I jumped the gun. That I'm not invincible.
And I suddenly understand why women wait till the first trimester is over.
I am embarrassed.
I am embarrassed about having to announce this to the world.
But I'm not embarrassed that we were so excited about our baby.
And I'm not embarrassed that we wanted to share our love with everyone else we love.
So I guess the reason I wanted to write this is for a few reasons.
1. I have to get the word out at some point... Mostly because I don't want unwarranted questions about baby.
2. Because we are heartbroken. And writing is therapeutic.
3. To encourage moms and moms-to-be who have had or might one day experience a miscarriage that they are not alone. They are not faulty. They are just as worthy of motherhood as the other 75% of women.
If you have questions, you may ask. But we are not feeling real chatty at the moment. So please be respectful of our emotions and grieving process.
We will have a baby at some point hopefully soon. But right now, we are mourning our love, our hopes, and our expectations for our July 2017 baby.
xo/Austin & Matt
